Mindfulness and couples-the benefits

Did you know that if one person in the relationship is mindful, both members of the couple can benefit.

Some studies have shown that couples who discuss a contentious issue in the relationship while being observed in a lab and who scored higher on a mindfulness scale were less anxious and hostile after having conflicts with their significant others.  Even Dr. Gottman has studied couples and advocates for them discussing their issues when the pulse rate drops. 

Meditation practitioners have long known that mindfulness practice tends to inoculate people against feeling negative thoughts in the first place. Thus, people tend to deal with conflict with less anxiety and hostility, and mindfulness seems to prevent those symptoms from arising.

Couples who practice mindfulness together can benefit not only individually but also from the fact that they are sharing a new experience. Just observing at times can reduce the likelihood of reacting.  Also, practicing when things are not heated seems to help when the hot buttons arise.

Even if only one partner is trying, the couple still benefits.  If one partner is accepting and open, it’s very hard for the other partner to push against that.”  I always advise couples that "if one person changes the dance steps, the dance has to change."

To an observer it might look as if the more mindful spouse is likely to "lose" an argument, but there is a difference between accepting what you feel and think and allowing someone else to  have their say v their "way".