"The habit of exiting, of escaping into thoughts and daydreams is a common occurrence. In fact, fantasy is where we spend most of our time. The Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck called these flights of fancy "the substitute life."
Of course, we don't have to be meditating for the mind to wander off to this substitute life. We can be listening to someone talking and mentally just depart. The person is right in front of us, but we're on the beach at Waikiki. The main way we depart is by keeping up a running internal commentary on what's going and what we're feeling 'like this, I don't like that, I"m hot, I'm cold', and so on. In fact, we can become so caught up in this internal dialogue that the people around us become invisible. An important part of meditation practice, therefore, is to non-aggressively drop that ongoing conversation in our head and joyfully come back to the present, being present in the body, being present in the mind, not envisioning the future or reliving the past, but, if only briefly, showing up for this very moment."
(From Pema Chodron's book Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change

Where do i start?

Notes on relationships with some paraphrased and prudent, pithy advice from some helpful people....

Dr. Phil—aim to meet the needs of the two people involved/ you can help heal your partner's fear and anger by stating your needs firmly and hearing what their needs are. You must do it differently from how you have been doing it and realize that relationships can change even with only one partner having the motivations.

John 14:12--- “and whatsoever you ask in my name, that I will do...” (not self centered requests but asking in HIS name) reading on to 14:16-17

Martha Peace---God has planned a ministry for each spouse which is to make the other their ministry.

Tara Bennett-Goleman and Harville Hendricks----our left over baggage from early relationships can make relationships emotional battlegrounds but can also help us do the work that will free us.

We tend to draw people to us that repeat these early woundings or “schemas”.

Partners can work together to dismantle these triggers and use empathy to foster compassion for the other. MIRRORING is a term to look up and use.

 

Now get to work and look up the verse and the term...do it yourself whether your spouse does it or not!