Monday, July 18, 2011
Listening and empathizing v Fixing
Sometimes all a person needs is a space to open up without us needing to fix their problem. Most people can creatively find a solution that is right for them. We can listen and empathize with their needs. In fact, we can even do this if we are in conflict with a person, if they are "triggering" anger in us or even if they are giving us the silent treatment.! Say a person becomes silent on you...avoid the temptation to fill in the silence with your own story about what is going on with them. You might say "You seem to be silent and I am wondering if you need anything to feel better?" Perhaps you will be considering her needs as well as your own, even if hers are foremost at present.
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Well this one is Good eye opener for me as i am a good listener , but at times i get more emotional at what is being said to me as i care for the person and want to fix every thing for them , when i cannot do that, they have to do what is right for them. The anger part comes when i want them to do what i want as i want what makes me happy and that is wrong ,as what i really want is the person to be happy in herself so we can be happy together and i realize now that being supportive is not telling the person what i think she should do, but asking what i can do to make her happy what she may need . which is what i really wanted for her any way , but was heading in wright direction but on the wrong road. So i am great full for this insight and i will use it from now on. Give my friend more space and the right support that she deserves
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