Christian Marriage

This is reprinted (Ce4Less.com Marriage and Family Counseling - A Christian Perspective Stan E. DeKoven Ph.D.)  as one of my clients recently said "I never knew all this stuff" and she went on a search of biblical truths which led to a stopping of divorce proceedings...

The Biblical understanding of marriage is related to the nature and purpose of God. Biblical views of man, marriage, sex, and family refuse to explain life in terms of man’s self-chosen aims. The Bible insists that attempts to understand life apart from the divine purpose are ultimately foolish. The Creator’s design establishes the dignity of the divine gift of marriage.
Marriage is for Fellowship  Men and women were created for fellowship with God and for His glory. Their dignity rests in their relational capacity. Men and women were designed for fellowship with each other and for fellowship in the greater human community (Genesis 2; Exodus 20:2-17; Isaiah 11:6; 54:1-3; Matthew 19:4-11; John 15:1-17; 17:6-26; Ephesians 1:9-10, 2:13-21). Marriage and human sexuality cannot be understood simply as the result of physical drives, rational formulations, social imposition, or religious moralism. While marital union is not in the realm of things commanded by God, as are fellowship with God and his people, it is a divine gift not to be profaned. The intimacy of marriage gives expression to the human desire for relatedness. The relationship of husband and wife is often compared to the reciprocal relationship of God and his people and is described in the language of the covenant. The covenant between God and his people is sacred and is not to be violated. It has great power and purpose in it. (Isaiah 61:10; Hosea; John 3:29; Ephesians 2:19-22). Marriage is a covenant bond designed by the Creator. It is redeemed in Jesus Christ, and is best realized amidst the Covenant people of God.

 
Marriage is for Human Fulfillment  
Marriage is designed to bring persons into their God-intended human fullness. Humanity in its wholeness involves both male and female. The interdependence so essential to human completeness can be expressed in marital union and also in the larger community. In marital union, husband and wife become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).3
This unity involves far more than a sexual encounter. It is the joining of lives at many levels. With it come mutual love and knowledge. Marriage provides opportunity for mature love so vital to the wholeness of persons (Genesis 24:67; Proverbs 5:15-19; Song of Solomon 1; 2:16, 8:7; Ephesians 5:21-33). Marriage is a covenant commitment which protects the mutuality of sex and the meaning of personhood. It acknowledges responsibility for the continued well-being of another person. God is concerned about marriage because he is concerned for people. (Malachi 2:13-16).

Paul’s instructions regarding marriage and family as a picture of the church. Marriage partners should show mutual respect, for each other which effectively meets the needs of women for love and men for respect. These are essential elements of an effective and happy marriage.

This last part is summarized in Ephesians 5:33,
"Nevertheless, let each individual among you (men) also love (agape) his own wife even as himself, and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband."   This theme, love and respect, is also seen in Paul’s other writings (Colossians 3; 1 Corinthians 7) or at least assumed. It is also the focus of a fairly recent book by Emerson Eggerichs titled "Love and Respect". In his work he cites a 20 year study of 2000 couples that gives evidence that love and respect are foundational ingredients to a happy and successful marriage.7

7 Study by John Gottman from "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail."

Wives need to know they are loved, really loved by their husbands. When they feel unloved, they internalize it as hurt, often reacting in criticism towards their husband. The average husband will most often respond to criticism with withdrawal, experiencing the criticism as a lack of respect. This cycle, often seen in dysfunctional and "normal" marriages, demonstrates the continual effect of the Fall and sin in the lives of even God’s people. When husbands learn to love, demonstrated in a way that is sensible and understood by the wife, and when the wives respect, not worship, but affirm and bless their husbands, it shows that God’s Kingdom rule has come to the marriage. Since the marriage is foundational to the family, the children of that union will have greater opportunity to grow as God intended, when love and respect in harmonious balance are seen in the marriage