Back from Eleuthera and reading Stephan Bodian's WAKE UP NOW,,, p. 33 "Who knows? 'Why' questions are the mind's attempt to make sense of the incomprehensible. The only truly honest answer is, because that's the way it is."
p. 35 "...suffering is not required but it does have the uncanny ability to pull the rug out from beneath your comfortable little world and open you to a deeper source of meaning and fulfillment. It's a powerful motivator. You don't have to go looking for it, of course--it will find you eventually."
Monday, April 30, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Love
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Paul, Ephesians 3:16-19 (NIV)
Buddhisy Psychology can help with difficult emotions
http://www.buddhanet.net/metta_in.htm
An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation can be brought in to support the practice of 'bare attention' to help keep the mind open and sweet. It provides the essential balance to support your insight meditation practice.
It is a fact of life that many people are troubled by difficult emotional states in the pressured societies we live in, but do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them. Yet even when the mind goes sour it is within most people's capacity to arouse positive feelings to sweeten it. Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love. In the Dhammapada can be found the saying: "Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness."
Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of 'loving-acceptance'. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind.
To put it into its context, Loving-kindness is the first of a series of meditations that produce four qualities of love: Friendliness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Appreciative Joy (mudita) and Equanimity (upekkha). The quality of 'friendliness' is expressed as warmth that reaches out and embraces others. When loving-kindness practice matures it naturally overflows into compassion, as one empathises with other people's difficulties; on the other hand one needs to be wary of pity, as its near enemy, as it merely mimics the quality of concern without empathy. The positive expression of empathy is an appreciation of other people's good qualities or good fortune, or appreciative joy, rather than feelings of jealousy towards them. This series of meditations comes to maturity as 'on-looking equanimity'. This 'engaged equanimity' must be cultivated within the context of this series of meditations, or there is a risk of it manifesting as its near enemy, indifference or aloofness. So, ultimately you remain kindly disposed and caring toward everybody with an equal spread of loving feelings and acceptance in all situations and relationships.
How to do it . . .
The practice always begins with developing a loving acceptance of yourself. If resistance is experienced then it indicates that feelings of unworthiness are present. No matter, this means there is work to be done, as the practice itself is designed to overcome any feelings of self-doubt or negativity. Then you are ready to systematically develop loving-kindness towards others.
Four Types of Persons to develop loving-kindness towards:
• a respected, beloved person - such as a spiritual teacher;
• a dearly beloved - which could be a close family member or friend;
• a neutral person - somebody you know, but have no special feelings towards, e.g.: a person who serves you in a shop;
• a hostile person - someone you are currently having difficulty with.
Starting with yourself, then systematically sending loving-kindness from person to person in the above order will have the effect of breaking down the barriers between the four types of people and yourself. This will have the effect of breaking down the divisions within your own mind, the source of much of the conflict we experience. Just a word of caution if you are practicing intensively. It is best if you choose a member of the same sex or, if you have a sexual bias to your own sex, a person of the opposite sex. This is because of the risk that the near enemy of loving-kindness, lust, can be aroused. Try different people to practice on, as some people do not easily fit into the above categories, but do try to keep to the prescribed order.
Ways of arousing feelings of loving-kindness:
1. Visualisation - Bring up a mental picture. See yourself or the person the feeling is directed at smiling back at you or just being joyous.
1. By reflection - Reflect on the positive qualities of a person and the acts of kindness they have done. And to yourself, making an affirmation, a positive statement about yourself, using your own words.
3. Auditory - This is the simplest way but probably the most effective. Repeat an internalized mantra or phrase such as 'loving-kindness'.
The visualisations, reflections and the repetition of loving-kindness are devices to help you arouse positive feelings of loving-kindness. You can use all of them or one that works best for you. When the positive feeling arise, switch from the devices to the feeling, as it is the feeling that is the primary focus. Keep the mind fixed on the feeling, if it strays bring it back to the device, or if the feelings weaken or are lost then return to the device, i.e. use the visualisation to bring back or strengthen the feeling.
The second stage is Directional Pervasion where you systematically project the aroused feeling of loving-kindness to all points of the compass: north, south, east and west, up and down, and all around. This directional pervasion will be enhanced by bringing to mind loving friends and like-minded communities you know in the cities, towns and countries around the world.
Non-specific Pervasion tends to spontaneously happen as the practice matures. It is not discriminating. It has no specific object and involves just naturally radiating feelings of universal love. When it arises the practice has then come to maturity in that it has changed particular, preferential love, which is an attached love, to an all-embracing unconditional love!
Loving-kindness is a heart meditation and should not to be seen as just a formal sitting practice removed from everyday life. So take your good vibes outside into the streets, at home, at work and into your relationships. Applying the practice to daily life is a matter of directing a friendly attitude and having openness toward everybody you relate to, without discrimination.
There are as many different ways of doing it as there are levels of intensity in the practice. This introduction is intended to help you familiarize yourself with the basic technique, so that you can become established in the practice before going on, if you wish, to the deeper, systematic practice - to the level of meditative absorption.
§
Venerable Sujiva's clear and comprehensive presentation in BuddhaNet of Metta Bhavana (which is the Pali term for the cultivation of loving-kindness) is a step-by-step explanation of the systematic practice. This section, based on the Visuddhimagga, The Path of Purification, is for meditators who are prepared to develop loving-kindness meditation to its fullest and thereby experience the deeper aspects of the practice.
A benefit of developing the five absorption factors of concentration through the systematic practice is that it will counteract the Five Mental Hindrances of the meditator: Sensuality; that is, all forms of Ill Will, Mental inertia; Restlessness and Skeptical Doubt. When the meditator achieves full concentration, five absorption factors are present: the first two are casual factors: Applied thought and Sustained thought, followed by three effects: Rapture, Ease-of-mind and One-pointedness or unification of mind. The five absorption factors have a one-to-one correspondence to the five mental hindrances, or obstacles, to the meditator: Applied thought, by arousing energy and effort, overcomes the hindrance of sloth and torpor; Sustained thought, by steadying the mind, overcomes skeptical doubt which has the characteristic of wavering; Rapture with its uplifting effervescence, prevails over feelings of ill-will; Ease-of-mind, by relieving accumulated stress, counteracts restlessness or agitation of mind; while One-pointedness restrains the mind's wanderings in the sense-fields to inhibit sensuality. The benefit of achieving deep concentration with this positive mind set is that it will tend to imprint the new positive conditioning while overriding the old negative patterns. In this way, old negative habits are changed, thereby freeing one to form new, positive ways of relating.
We also have, in BuddhaNet's Loving-Kindness Meditation section, inspiring instructions by Gregory Kramer of the Metta Foundation on teaching loving-kindness to children within the family context. Gregory gives practical advice to parents on how to bring the practice of loving-kindness within the home. In this way, we can hope that loving-kindness meditation will become a natural part of the family's daily practice, and that one day it will be adopted universally as a practice to uplift human hearts.
May you be happy hearted!
An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation
Loving-kindness meditation can be brought in to support the practice of 'bare attention' to help keep the mind open and sweet. It provides the essential balance to support your insight meditation practice.
It is a fact of life that many people are troubled by difficult emotional states in the pressured societies we live in, but do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them. Yet even when the mind goes sour it is within most people's capacity to arouse positive feelings to sweeten it. Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love. In the Dhammapada can be found the saying: "Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness."
Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of 'loving-acceptance'. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind.
To put it into its context, Loving-kindness is the first of a series of meditations that produce four qualities of love: Friendliness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Appreciative Joy (mudita) and Equanimity (upekkha). The quality of 'friendliness' is expressed as warmth that reaches out and embraces others. When loving-kindness practice matures it naturally overflows into compassion, as one empathises with other people's difficulties; on the other hand one needs to be wary of pity, as its near enemy, as it merely mimics the quality of concern without empathy. The positive expression of empathy is an appreciation of other people's good qualities or good fortune, or appreciative joy, rather than feelings of jealousy towards them. This series of meditations comes to maturity as 'on-looking equanimity'. This 'engaged equanimity' must be cultivated within the context of this series of meditations, or there is a risk of it manifesting as its near enemy, indifference or aloofness. So, ultimately you remain kindly disposed and caring toward everybody with an equal spread of loving feelings and acceptance in all situations and relationships.
How to do it . . .
The practice always begins with developing a loving acceptance of yourself. If resistance is experienced then it indicates that feelings of unworthiness are present. No matter, this means there is work to be done, as the practice itself is designed to overcome any feelings of self-doubt or negativity. Then you are ready to systematically develop loving-kindness towards others.
Four Types of Persons to develop loving-kindness towards:
• a respected, beloved person - such as a spiritual teacher;
• a dearly beloved - which could be a close family member or friend;
• a neutral person - somebody you know, but have no special feelings towards, e.g.: a person who serves you in a shop;
• a hostile person - someone you are currently having difficulty with.
Starting with yourself, then systematically sending loving-kindness from person to person in the above order will have the effect of breaking down the barriers between the four types of people and yourself. This will have the effect of breaking down the divisions within your own mind, the source of much of the conflict we experience. Just a word of caution if you are practicing intensively. It is best if you choose a member of the same sex or, if you have a sexual bias to your own sex, a person of the opposite sex. This is because of the risk that the near enemy of loving-kindness, lust, can be aroused. Try different people to practice on, as some people do not easily fit into the above categories, but do try to keep to the prescribed order.
Ways of arousing feelings of loving-kindness:
1. Visualisation - Bring up a mental picture. See yourself or the person the feeling is directed at smiling back at you or just being joyous.
1. By reflection - Reflect on the positive qualities of a person and the acts of kindness they have done. And to yourself, making an affirmation, a positive statement about yourself, using your own words.
3. Auditory - This is the simplest way but probably the most effective. Repeat an internalized mantra or phrase such as 'loving-kindness'.
The visualisations, reflections and the repetition of loving-kindness are devices to help you arouse positive feelings of loving-kindness. You can use all of them or one that works best for you. When the positive feeling arise, switch from the devices to the feeling, as it is the feeling that is the primary focus. Keep the mind fixed on the feeling, if it strays bring it back to the device, or if the feelings weaken or are lost then return to the device, i.e. use the visualisation to bring back or strengthen the feeling.
The second stage is Directional Pervasion where you systematically project the aroused feeling of loving-kindness to all points of the compass: north, south, east and west, up and down, and all around. This directional pervasion will be enhanced by bringing to mind loving friends and like-minded communities you know in the cities, towns and countries around the world.
Non-specific Pervasion tends to spontaneously happen as the practice matures. It is not discriminating. It has no specific object and involves just naturally radiating feelings of universal love. When it arises the practice has then come to maturity in that it has changed particular, preferential love, which is an attached love, to an all-embracing unconditional love!
Loving-kindness is a heart meditation and should not to be seen as just a formal sitting practice removed from everyday life. So take your good vibes outside into the streets, at home, at work and into your relationships. Applying the practice to daily life is a matter of directing a friendly attitude and having openness toward everybody you relate to, without discrimination.
There are as many different ways of doing it as there are levels of intensity in the practice. This introduction is intended to help you familiarize yourself with the basic technique, so that you can become established in the practice before going on, if you wish, to the deeper, systematic practice - to the level of meditative absorption.
§
Venerable Sujiva's clear and comprehensive presentation in BuddhaNet of Metta Bhavana (which is the Pali term for the cultivation of loving-kindness) is a step-by-step explanation of the systematic practice. This section, based on the Visuddhimagga, The Path of Purification, is for meditators who are prepared to develop loving-kindness meditation to its fullest and thereby experience the deeper aspects of the practice.
A benefit of developing the five absorption factors of concentration through the systematic practice is that it will counteract the Five Mental Hindrances of the meditator: Sensuality; that is, all forms of Ill Will, Mental inertia; Restlessness and Skeptical Doubt. When the meditator achieves full concentration, five absorption factors are present: the first two are casual factors: Applied thought and Sustained thought, followed by three effects: Rapture, Ease-of-mind and One-pointedness or unification of mind. The five absorption factors have a one-to-one correspondence to the five mental hindrances, or obstacles, to the meditator: Applied thought, by arousing energy and effort, overcomes the hindrance of sloth and torpor; Sustained thought, by steadying the mind, overcomes skeptical doubt which has the characteristic of wavering; Rapture with its uplifting effervescence, prevails over feelings of ill-will; Ease-of-mind, by relieving accumulated stress, counteracts restlessness or agitation of mind; while One-pointedness restrains the mind's wanderings in the sense-fields to inhibit sensuality. The benefit of achieving deep concentration with this positive mind set is that it will tend to imprint the new positive conditioning while overriding the old negative patterns. In this way, old negative habits are changed, thereby freeing one to form new, positive ways of relating.
We also have, in BuddhaNet's Loving-Kindness Meditation section, inspiring instructions by Gregory Kramer of the Metta Foundation on teaching loving-kindness to children within the family context. Gregory gives practical advice to parents on how to bring the practice of loving-kindness within the home. In this way, we can hope that loving-kindness meditation will become a natural part of the family's daily practice, and that one day it will be adopted universally as a practice to uplift human hearts.
May you be happy hearted!
Surfing and mental well-being
Surfing is popular among people of all ages and abilities. It promotes health and cardiovascular fitness as well as strength in the core, back, shoulders and legs and even the abs. It promotes a sense of peace and mental well-being as well as many opportunities to practice managing anger and learning patience when surfing in crowded spots! In fact, that is how I became able to have peace even around people who are not courteous or are donwright mean!! Of course, GOD gave lots of help too. Taking lessons to learn the correct surfing technique will help to get you started. You should be a strong swimmer and always be aware of the safety aspects of being in the surf.
Surfing is:
A great way to spend time outdoors and enjoy the natural environment; A wonderful way to pray and meditate while sitting in the ocean; A fun way to reduce tension and stress as well as have fun with family members. We always joke "The couple who surfs together stays together".
Surfing is:
A great way to spend time outdoors and enjoy the natural environment; A wonderful way to pray and meditate while sitting in the ocean; A fun way to reduce tension and stress as well as have fun with family members. We always joke "The couple who surfs together stays together".
- Learn in Florida or the Bahamas in small, fun, warm waves!!
Differentiation
David Schnarch says in his book Passionate Marriage that couples have to balance two basic life forces: the drive for having a unique identity and the drive for togetherness. He says that relationships are enhanced by differentiatin, which he describes as "your ability to maintain your sense of self when you are emotionally and/or physically close to others-especially as they become increasingly important to you." He goes to the explain that poorly differentiated people may construct their identities out of a "reflected" sense of self where they need continued validation or attention (even conflict/disagreement) from the partner. When this happens love can be confused with emotional fusion. The aim is for "mutuality" which is being able to go forward in your own self development in the relationship while also being concerned with your partner's happiness and well-being.
Today
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the
power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be.
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day,
today, and I'm going to be happy in it. - Groucho
power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be.
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day,
today, and I'm going to be happy in it. - Groucho
Sunday, April 15, 2012
from David K. Reynolds
"A Thousand Waves"..."p. 137 "Too often we go to extremes to oppose or demolish something that could be accepted and incorporated into our lives"
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Mean People Suck!! or do they...
I think there’s already too much negativity going around.
How do we not become a sponge that soaks up poison people project on us? How can we still be happy when those around us are so obviously not? It is so much easier not to feel victimized and stay stuck in ruminating about the bad when we acknowledge those times that we, too, have dished out unwarranted foul dispositions towards others at one time or another. In fact, beware as you may be the only light of God or goodness that someone meets!
First we must become aware of our own thoughts, behaviors, feelings and moods at any given moment and take full responsibility for them. This means removing from the realm of possibility even the notion of complaining or blaming others for our own current state of feeling.
Learning to let go of that negative energy once the situation has passed is crucial. Too often we replay the hurt in our minds obsessively, letting it stew and fester. Before we know it, we too are in a foul mood, perpetuating more negativity and projecting it onto others by complaining about the injustice we’ve just endured or how "they" made me feel this way.
Often our mood is our choice but we react with the conditioning of our upbringing and it is our responsibility to notice when we are reacting habitually and decide to insert a new script!!... maybe even some NEW general attitudes towards life, people and situations..
If someone else’s grumpiness or mean-spirited demeanor is directed at us, it is simply a reflection of what is going on internally within them.It helps to remember this to not take it personally. Imagine being able to consciously see the situation for what it is — mean people don’t suck…their “attitude” does. Perhaps the person is having a really bad day; has just heard some terrible news; is feeling exhausted or ill; or was on the receiving end of someone else’s poisonous attitude?
The point is, we don’t know what may be going on for that “mean” person and by choosing to not take their poison personally we create a space for potentially having some understanding around what they may be experiencing.
Finding compassion within ourselves for those who aren’t necessarily aware of how their behavior affects others can be instrumental in profoundly changing the way we interact with and treat each other on a daily basis. By practicing gratitude and redirecting our focus onto positive thoughts of gratitude daily for all that we appreciate in our lives, however significant or small, can do wonders on how we feel about ourselves and how we view the world around us.
Imagine a world where everyone treats each other with kindness, love and compassion. What an amazing, wonderful and peaceful world this would truly be. By choosing to live consciously and by taking full and complete responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors and moods, we will be kinder and happier ourselves.
The next time you encounter someone in a foul mood, remember, mean people don’t suck…their attitude does. Don’t take it personally! Set a positive example by showing a little compassion and kindness to everyone no matter what. The ‘mean’ ones need it just as much as we do, if not more. As Pema Chodron would say "May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free from suffering".
How do we not become a sponge that soaks up poison people project on us? How can we still be happy when those around us are so obviously not? It is so much easier not to feel victimized and stay stuck in ruminating about the bad when we acknowledge those times that we, too, have dished out unwarranted foul dispositions towards others at one time or another. In fact, beware as you may be the only light of God or goodness that someone meets!
First we must become aware of our own thoughts, behaviors, feelings and moods at any given moment and take full responsibility for them. This means removing from the realm of possibility even the notion of complaining or blaming others for our own current state of feeling.
Learning to let go of that negative energy once the situation has passed is crucial. Too often we replay the hurt in our minds obsessively, letting it stew and fester. Before we know it, we too are in a foul mood, perpetuating more negativity and projecting it onto others by complaining about the injustice we’ve just endured or how "they" made me feel this way.
Often our mood is our choice but we react with the conditioning of our upbringing and it is our responsibility to notice when we are reacting habitually and decide to insert a new script!!... maybe even some NEW general attitudes towards life, people and situations..
If someone else’s grumpiness or mean-spirited demeanor is directed at us, it is simply a reflection of what is going on internally within them.It helps to remember this to not take it personally. Imagine being able to consciously see the situation for what it is — mean people don’t suck…their “attitude” does. Perhaps the person is having a really bad day; has just heard some terrible news; is feeling exhausted or ill; or was on the receiving end of someone else’s poisonous attitude?
The point is, we don’t know what may be going on for that “mean” person and by choosing to not take their poison personally we create a space for potentially having some understanding around what they may be experiencing.
Finding compassion within ourselves for those who aren’t necessarily aware of how their behavior affects others can be instrumental in profoundly changing the way we interact with and treat each other on a daily basis. By practicing gratitude and redirecting our focus onto positive thoughts of gratitude daily for all that we appreciate in our lives, however significant or small, can do wonders on how we feel about ourselves and how we view the world around us.
Imagine a world where everyone treats each other with kindness, love and compassion. What an amazing, wonderful and peaceful world this would truly be. By choosing to live consciously and by taking full and complete responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors and moods, we will be kinder and happier ourselves.
The next time you encounter someone in a foul mood, remember, mean people don’t suck…their attitude does. Don’t take it personally! Set a positive example by showing a little compassion and kindness to everyone no matter what. The ‘mean’ ones need it just as much as we do, if not more. As Pema Chodron would say "May this person who is driving me crazy enjoy happiness and be free from suffering".
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