I frequently hear from one member of a couple that the other "always" or "never" does this and that and that the relationship is doomed unless the other gets with the program. Also, the distressed partner usually feels like they have "done everything" to get the other to see how they are feeling and what they want the other to change. I find that people need to be more clear on what their needs are and on what request they are making of the other. Our requests should be specific, doable and immediate. What if you want the other to clean up their messes more?--do you want it every day, twice per week...? What if you want your husband to listen more? Try this: "Honey would you please just sit and listen to me for five minutes without giving advice?" Or maybe: "Honey would you please put the credit card in this drawer and only use cash on a trial basis for one month?"
Both partners stand a much better chance of getting their needs met when they communicate specifically and calmly. And don't forget, you may need to spend time clarifying what your own needs are by talking to yourself!!
But what happens when you do all this and all you want is to know where you stand and cannot get a honest answer from the one you love.When you try every thing they ask for and they still keep throwing one stupid mistake that you did in your face or if they had to help you though a rough time that you where having and they offered to help and then they keep reminding you about it ,What do you do then? Yes i agree that you have to be honest about the relationship but it has to come from both sides not just one side.Even the person that can be wright can be wrong at times , but are they willing to see where they may be wrong as well, as the old people would say it takes to hands to clap.In a relationship each person has to see or at least try to see what each person is saying and feeling. Cannot be what one person feels AND thinks it has to be a jointed partnership and this is not impossible it can be , It is how much do you want it.As for me i want it very much in my relationship as i love my partner as much as i can love any one on this earth so i am willing to go as far as i need to i only hope she does.
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