Manipulate Your Partner

When you communicate, try to manipulate your partner into a position that is constructive toward building the relationship and letting their anxiety lessen so they feel heard...  Before you put forth your position you may want to ensure that they feel that you understand their fears and resistances so that they are motivated toward good dialog and improving the relationship.  Perhaps you will even say something to the effect of "I am ready to make some positive changes even though we have both been very, very frustrated lately".  Maybe you will even venture out to say that you are working on some destructive things you have brought into the relationship.  Go slowly, appreciate that people have resistances and fear and focus on the SPIRIT of wanting to recapture the positive feelings that you once had.  That said, when each knows that each values the other and wants to reduce fears and increase safety...it sets the scene for more positive dialogue.  And remember, if the pulse rates rises...take a few...breathe...and return to the topic later!