Certain spiritual traditions claim that before you can know who you are, you must first know who you are not. This is known as the "Way of Subtraction," and means in part that due to our years of conditioning and habituation while growing up, we do not really know who or all that we truly are. Barham has called this a case of "mistaken identity" (in Psychology Today).
For example, if you're someone who is fully identified with your thoughts and actually "think" you are your thoughts -- then meditation can help you experience observing or "witnessing" your thoughts. What happens is you realize a life-changing distinction in that you are not your thoughts, rather, you have thoughts. Your thoughts are not "you." You are not your feelings but you have feelings. You can realize you are not your beliefs but have beliefs. And further still, you can realize something that is even more freeing and liberating: You are not your ego but you have an ego.. Through regular meditation practice you come to realize each of these insights -- not just as so much information in your head -- but through direct experience. You are realizing more of who you truly are. By witnessing your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs and your ego in a healthy way, you are continuously converting what was originally the subject of your attention into an object of your attention, you then transcend and include each of these in your awareness.
Over time, these states of awareness you experience in meditation become stable and continuous and mature into new higher stages of personal development. You become less reactive. You realize people don't "make" you mad.
Think about this: Your "reality" is what you pay attention to.
Barham has said: If like most people, you spend your whole life and all your time habitually paying attention to your thoughts and feelings you will become totally identified with them, right? Well then who will you think you are? Your thoughts and feelings. As a result, you'll become highly attached to them. Why? Because quite simply, you think they're you. And anyone or anything that seems to threaten them will be threatening to "you" and you will get really upset. The same exact thing goes for your beliefs
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