angry wives-good ezine article

Passive aggressive behavior does not happen in a vacuum; it requires an adequate partner to play the game with. This interaction is created between two people-one person who resists proximity and responsibility and the other one who accepts too much frustration to feel a minimum of "love," "acceptance," or "company."
How this dynamics does get engraved in the little girl's mind? She learns this pattern in her childhood observing her parents, of course!


The need for a woman to choose and stay with a passive aggressive partner is a dynamic that is set up in her childhood. One parent withdraws and frustrates the other spouse who in turn becomes progressively more and more angry and resentful. When she grows up, the woman unconsciously chooses men who will play out the familiar patterns of withdrawal and attack of her childhood.

She falls for the man's charm, his sweet neediness and fast search for togetherness (he is talking about marriage in the first month of courtship) and ignores his real lack of connection with others. It would be easy to ask: "why he is not having any friends around him"? But it is too painful to reach a conclusion: that she is conditioned to search for people more damaged than she is, so she can "help them."

If the man's hostility and withdrawal behavioral cycle is left unchallenged, the woman begins to doubt herself. His failures become her failures, and she feels that she is not doing enough to make him happy. The harder she works on the relationship, the deeper is his need to escape and elude her.

Her life is in continual unbalance as she navigates the inconsistencies in daily connection events. As much as he feels threatened and insecure, he withdraws; this leaves her lonely so she gets angry.

The more she gets angry at him, he has to withdraw in his cave and the unresolved conflict boomerangs between then. They get locked into their own needs, not expressed enough, but acted upon. He will not show his anger at her persecution, but will do a lot of little vengeance acts which will drive her more crazy.

Living with the passive aggressive man pushes the woman into frustration and anger as the major dynamic in daily conflict. When she cannot get her needs met, she becomes the person who can blame him with intensity or have an anger attack, which then makes the man confirm his worst fears and feel very insecure in the relationship.

She rides an emotional roller coaster as she is always stuck hoping for more from her man--more commitment, more cooperation, more attention and love, and more doing what he says he will do -- as a signal that he really loves her.

With continuous cycles of this dynamics, her self-esteem erodes more and more as her frustration and anger turn to rage; getting to feel lonelier and more abandoned than when she was a single person.


To avoid repeating the choosing of passive aggressive men in several successive relationships in her future, she needs to learn a better way of reacting to his passive aggression in a way that teaches him what does she need, and what the limits for his procrastination and sabotaging are.

In short, she needs to remember that she is now a grown up person and can limit the damage other people can do to her in several active ways, from saying STOP!, to setting her own limits and or walking out.


Nora Femenia is a well known coach, conflict solver and trainer, and CEO of Creative Conflict Resolutions, Inc. If you are interested in learning how to live a better life, clean of hidden aggression, full of support and caring ideas? We are waiting you at http://passiveaggressivehusband.com, where you can find your FREE ebook: "How healthy is your marriage?"


Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nora_Femenia,_Ph.D.

fun and easy mindfulness exercises

http://www.meditation-techniques-for-happiness.com/free-online-meditation.html

Elisha Goldstein has great mindfulness tapes and blog

5 Quotes that Can Change Your Life!

By Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

Well, it’s not Monday, but I was just reading a book by Ariane de Bonvoisin called The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier (interview with Ariane to come … stay tuned) which has a number of fantastic quotes in it that I believe if reflected on mindfully could very well change your life.
Now, we’re not just going to glance over these quotes, I’m going to suggest that you take at least 30 seconds with each quote doing the following 5-step mindfulness practice.

1. Get centered — Take a moment to just notice your body here, noticing any tension and seeing if you can choose to let that tension go. Become aware that you’re breathing.
2. Read the quote twice – Reading it twice allows it to settle in a bit more.
3. Allow the words to simmer — Close your eyes and see if you can let the words roll around and notice what arises for you physically, emotionally and mentally. In other words, let these words percolate in your mind and body. Do any thoughts, memories, or associations arise? Is there a tension or loosening in the body? Do emotions of fear, joy, or calm arise? Whatever arises this is grist for the mill.
4. Bring your mind back if it wanders — You may notice the mind going off into thoughts of what you need to be doing or judgments such as “how is this going to be helpful to me?” Just note where it wandered to and gently guide it back. As Larry Rosenberg says in his book Breath by Breath, repeat this step several billion times.
5. Come back to the breath – Thank yourself for taking this time-out of your daily busy-ness to engage with this mindful inquiry for your health and well-being.

Even if you only get through one quote, you can come back at later times to work with the others.
Here we go.

1. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom” ~ Victor Frankl
2. “Amidst the worldly comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings.” ~ Tao Te Ching
3. “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” ~ Albert Einstein
4. “You see everything is about belief, whatever we believe rules our existence, rules our life.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
5. “What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters to what lies within us.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ok, one extra:

Hence, there is a time to go ahead and a time to stay behind.
There is a time to breathe easy and a time to breathe hard.
There is a time to be vigorous and a time to be gentle.
There is a time to gather and a time to release.
Can you see things as they are
And let them be all on their own?
~ Lao-tzu

What did you notice as you did this practice? Are there other quotes that are meaningful to you or you think would be valuable for this practice? Share any thoughts, stories and questions you have. Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

mindfulness site

www.mindfulness-solution.com        Ron Siegle's site is excellent for its free downloads

mindfulness/radical acceptance

And while we can’t agree to everything in life, the following exercise taken from Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance may help illustrate the effects of saying yes to our emotions:

“Sitting quietly, close your eyes and take a few full breaths. Bring to mind a current situation that elicits a reaction of anger, fear, or grief…The more fully you get in touch with the charged essence of the story, the more readily you can access the feelings in your heart and throughout your body. What is it about the situation that provokes the strongest feelings?..Be especially aware of the feelings in your stomach, chest and throat.
In order to see firsthand what happens when you resist experience, begin by experimenting with saying no. As you connect with the pain you feel in the situation you have chosen, mentally direct a stream of no at the feelings. No to unpleasantness of fear, anger, shame or grief. Let the word carry the energy of no – rejecting, pushing away what you are experiencing. As you say no, notice what this resistance feels like in your body. Do you feel tightness, pressure? What happens to the painful feelings as you say no? What happens in your heart? Imagine what your life would be like if, for the next hours, weeks and months, you continued to move through the world with the thoughts and feelings of no.
Take a few deep breaths and let go by relaxing through the body, opening your eyes or shifting your posture a bit. Now take a few moments to call to mind again the painful situation you’d previously chosen, remembering the images, words, beliefs and feelings connected with it. This time let yourself be the Buddha under the bodhi tree, the Buddha inviting Mara to tea. Direct a stream of the word yes at your experience. Agree to the experience with yes. Let the feelings float, held in the environment of yes. Even if these are waves of no – fear or anger that arise with the painful situation or even from doing this exercise – that’s okay. Let these natural reactions be received in the larger field of yes. Yes to the pain. Yes to the parts of us that want the pain to go away. Yes to whatever the thoughts or feelings arise. Notice your experience as you say yes. Is there softening, opening and movement in your body? Is there more space and openness in your mind?…
Continue to sit now, releasing thoughts and resting in an alert, relaxes awareness. Let your intention be to say a gentle YES to whatever sensations, emotions, sounds or images may arise in your awareness.”* taken from NICABM

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it  possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters.  Reprinted from Wherever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn

eleuthera

Great Eleuthera Video




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Check out this video



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMEBAkzgLmA