Sometimes we have beliefs that are so deep we are not really aware of them. These patterns that may have been laid down over and over in early life can act like a rutted dirt road that takes the car off to the right even if you are consciously trying to turn left. Beliefs may affect relationships, marriages, work life etc. These "emotional habits" may even lead to compulsions and addictions.
One way out is to begin to practice mindfulness in daily life, applying such to our patterns of emotional reactivity. For instance, maybe your husband says "I really want to work better at our parenting together" and you "hear" he "never gives me any credit" or "he's saying I'm doing it wrong" because of the lens through which you view comments from those close to you.
If we practice pulling back and watching our emotions without reactivity..we can sometimes avoid getting wrapped up in anxiety and anger...thereby responding much more creatively and helpfully in those situations that USED TO set us off. I like breath focus...just noting in breath and then out breath...there's a thought now..gently back to in breath and out breath...another thought..just labeling it "thinking" and back to the breaths without judging the thought or yourself or the person in front of you....
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