1 James 3-15

I was struck by my preacher's message today (Jim Gallagher) about how we are lured away from blessings of abundant life just as fish are lured away from their life by actual lures.  He said that the fisherman doesn't have the fish's best interest at heart but has an idea of batter and oil.  How like it is for us as being tempted by desires already in us (1:14).  We have the idea that sin is bad only because God said so instead of it being bad because sin is bad. That is-bad for us. We covet and are drawn away but the enticing lures rarely, if ever, last.  We demonstrating character can be used by God for his glory and our well-being.

Today you can choose integrity and authenticity

You can only really control yourself!  No matter how others act you can choose peace to deal with them.  You may not get what you think you want but you will know that you chose fairness and honesty without creating more separation in your relationship.  If you feel good about your part in the dealing of the conflict, then you really do "win"...  and guess what, this applies to your dealings with your kids too!

Mindfulness can be practiced by Christians as well as buddhists

The Psalms talk about resting in Christ and taking every thought captive to Christ so it, too, is focused on our thoughts.  Cognitive psychologists have long known that our thoughts can lead to our feelings so all of this is good clinical advice whether we are talking about self- growth, relationship growth or parenting.  Mindful practice that I gravitate to is taking time to practice just being present in one’s surroundings-just noting such like I try to do when walking Rudy and Buttons.  I will never be the same after walking them at night and hearing the night sounds after walking them night after night engrossed in thoughs of the next day.  So much more pleasant listening and feeling the night air.   While many thoughts may race through the brain, the mindful person may choose to not follow them but focus on God's creation and the beauty around them which delight (or don't) the senses. This is a form of discipline best practiced when calm so that it will be available during a "crisis" such as when a family member is on  your last nerve!! Resting without grasping what seems good is how we learn to walk with God in the tough times as well as the glad times.  We need compassion for ourselves as well as compassion for others too!!

No shows

In my business of helping people change,  people are often not mindful that a helping professional shows up for appointments and depends on the patient to show up too if any change is to be forthcoming. Well today it happened again--a "cancellation" five minutes before the appointed time which was scheduled yesterday.  It used to be hard on this die hard surfer, especially when the waves are good (rare here but good today!), and I have a dead hour to spare...not to mention the person who called yesterday and wanted this time slot... But no more does it upset me--it is what it is as they say.

So today, guess what!,  I have the opportunity to re read some passages in Jon-Kabat Zinn's book Wherever you go there you are .   He says that positive thinking may involve  replacing one thought with another (I am glad I have an exra hour to relax).  He also says that meditaion or mindfulness goes beyond thinking to watching our thoughts as one might watch a waterfall--a continual torrent of thought but we are not in the torrent.  This way we can begin to understand our thoughts as just thoughts.  Then maybe our thought patterns will change and our lives transformed somewhat as we learn something liberating about thinking itself-we do not have to be drawn into our thoughts...

Eleuthera

http://youtu.be/Nna-C3h_uiE

peoples' needs

I was musing today about how my patients often bring in complaints about how "the other person" disrespects them, doesn't listen, has a problem and, generally, how they can't be OK until the other changes.  I thought about how we all have needs and we all go about trying to get them met.  This goes for needs other than food and water such as need for respect, friendship, caring, peaceful times, humor and passion.  Yes parents-connecting to your kids based on this knowledge can often diffuse the power struggles you are in with them-- and being firm on what your own needs are often makes boundary setting easier. 

Many people don't realize the Zen and other teachings that we really don't have control over the behavior of others.  Maybe you are cooking dinner and someone in the family has a yelling, temper tantrum. Suddenly, the delicious dinner you were preparing is the last thing on your mind!  Depending on how you usually react, you may yell back, feel like a victim, feel like an idiot and demand something or obsess over and over on the scene.  Think about what would happen if you noticed what happened and turned back to your cooking.  The end. No attaching to the problem in the other and no labeling the scene as "bad".

I don't know what to do

Today I was talking to someone who was very depressed and stuck in a line of thinking that was not serving her....I decided to use a change tip I remembered from Bill O'Hanlon.
It went something like this-make a list of everything you have not done to get over this guy, make a list of everything you can think about other than this guy, make a list of what you life will be like after the problem...

She was surprised after resisting but doing it that there were about 9 items on her lists. She said she felt more hope. She set about doing a few and when I saw her later, she was smiling and not crying.
Frustrated or discouraged about something?  Make list of things you could do to solve or resolve or change the situation no matter how weird. If you get stuck, ask someone to help you come up with ideas.  It is hard to solve a problem when stuck in the problem...